Thursday, October 9, 2008

My Backwards Time Travel Comes To A Close

My whole purpose in working backwards in time was to come to this blog...

It is not secret that I am a birth mother to a beautiful blond-haired, blue-eyed girl.

Back when I was pregnant I was a very confused person. I didn't know where my place in the world was, and I didn't know what being responsible truly meant.

I got pregnant while in a relationship with a guy I fathomed I was in love with.

We found out together and started making immediate plans to get married and start our family off right.

As chance would have it... this wasn't meant to be and I had to figure out what I was going to do.

I knew what was expected of me via my family and my religion, so I did just as I had be brought up to do. I made plans to place this unborn child into a family where both a mother and a father were present and could adequately care for one.

But, one week before I actually chose the parents of this little child my father asked me "Krystin, have you actually prayed to know weather or not you are supposed to keep her?"

The question boggled my mind.

I had never even fathomed keeping her. How could I?!

I was 20 years old, not employed, and my only medical insurance was through my parents.

How could I look after and care for a child full-time and make ends meet?

I had been counseled by my bishop that "the Lord will test you for some time to make sure you are serious about following his plan. Do not expect any answers to your prayers immediately."

He was right.... I prayed.... and I prayed harder than I ever had in my entire life before that point. All I got as an answer for almost a solid week was an empty void.

I was lost, confused, and utterly fearful.
However, the answer did come.

I was sitting in the social services office of the church with my councillor when, by divine inspiration I am sure, she handed me a letter.

This letter was not addressed to me, nor was it about me specifically.

This letter was addressed to the Bishops and other Axillary leader of the church on the subject of unwed parents.

This was my answer. A Divine message from God on how and why I should go about the adoption process.

Why it was the right thing to do.

And most of all, how I would be blessed for it in the eternities.

I bawled my head off silently, folded up the letter, and picked up the family profile of a couple that is now my child's parents.

Those two people are James & Stephanie Buckner.
The spirit truly guided and inspired my family in the short week that followed.
I didn't even pack a hospital bag 'till the night before I went into labor
(I was almost 4 weeks early)
3 hours and 5 minutes after my water broke at home...
(while I was sitting on the toilet of all the lucky places to be)
my daughter came into this world, as perfect as could be.

I was overwhelmed.
I had a baby!
(Our first picture taken together)
She was, what the nurses called "cheesy" covered with all this gunk, but she was still dang cute
Here's her getting her footprints taken

My mother, holding her new granddaughter
6 lbs, 9 oz
Hollering up a storm

Her first meal
Her first bath (she really didn't like it except for the hair washing part)

Her first diaper
Sami, her cousin, holding her
My self-taken picture of just the two of us the following day
At the hospital the day her parents arrived
Grandma holding her before the hospital photos were taken
Her new mom and dad.
I call this photo "Past, Present, and Future"
In it you have myself taking the biggest step of my life (which is now in my past)
You have Kayley's (that's her name) parents - her present
And you have Jay's reflection in the mirror - my future husband
(he was the signed witness on all of the adoption papers - he held me while my hand trembled signing her away, and while everyone else in the room sobbed)
It wasn't easy, but it was the right thing to do.
I wouldn't change the course of events now even if given the divine option to do so.
Kayley has been sealed to her eternal family and will grow up knowing that she is special, she is loved, and most of all, she is a daughter of God.

I love you Kayley.

I love you James & Stephanie.

May God bless your family in all things.


Kelly and Joe said...

WOW- my heart is touched... You are so good and so brave.

Krystin said...

Thanks Kelly