Life updates

Technically this is partially a new year's resolution update, but there's more than that topic that I want to blog about so... here goes.

I'm loosing weight.
It's kind of odd - I never have needed to loose weight, but being in the "overweight" category due to my BMI I felt the need to shed some pounds. That's why weight loss was one of my resolutions this year.

I'm now 155lbs.
My BMI is 23.6

I have lost 26 pounds since the beginning of this year (well, since February 22nd when I originally posted the resolution blog).

So, that means I met my weight loss resolution. Cool!

I would ideally like to weigh 130lbs as I've already admitted in that previous blog - so that means I have another 25 pounds to go.

Ironically enough, I haven't done anything really different to encourage this weight loss. It's been gradual, and I haven't even really focused on it throughout this year. I have noticed, however, that my meal portions have gone down considerably. I chalk up my weight loss to this fact alone. Eat less consistently and your stomach shrinks down a bit. You become accustomed to eating smaller meals.
If you want to do this too - just cut out a scoop of what you would normally put on your plate and/or replace that typical scoop with a vegetable/raw fruit instead. I've also concentrated on ensuring I'm eating whole-grain driven foods like 100% whole wheat bread, etc. Nothing drastic.


So what else is going on in my world?! A lot!

I volunteered some information to my High School graduating classes president about some ideas I had for our upcoming 10-year reunion this upcoming summer. After a few conversations with her she asked me if I would be the chairperson for the reunion committee. I heartily accepted!

So, because of that, I've been looking up information, pitching reunion ideas, and gathering contact information (as well as trying to get into contact with) for the 443 members of my class.
With that I formed a reunion committee strictly made up of volunteers from our class.

It's been busy at times, but not too stressful yet.
I'm pretty sure we have a location decided upon - but I haven't booked the date yet.
I think we've ironed out what we want to do for our reunion as well.
I'm confident that I've found a photographer for the event.
I'm also confident that this will become more stressful as it gets closer.
I'm very glad I have committee members located in Littleton, Colorado where I grew up/graduated to take care of the details I need to be handled in person. It's a disadvantage to live out of state and plan these things.

The next big step for the planning process is getting a class website up and running.
I recently received an email from a new contact regarding this next step, so I may have more help moving forward on that than I anticipated I would. Yay!


Another thing I've recently been doing: baking!

I baked and decorated a 5-tiered wedding cake for my neighbor's wedding on the 5th of this month that, from what I've been told, tasted amazing! (I'm really not much of a cake-eating person even though I like to make/decorated them - funny isn't it?!)
I was happy with how the individual layers turned out and looked on their own, but was somewhat disappointed that the bottom two layers kind of got squashed when I assembled the whole thing. It was a VERY HEAVY cake.

Lucky for me, it didn't have to be fully assembled for very long. So I got a friend of mine to get a couple of pictures of it before I took the layers back down and cut most of it up.

Added to the wedding cake this month I also baked and decorated Tori's birthday cake. (I honestly can't believe my baby is a 1 year-old already)
I baked a 3D teddy bear for her.

As I did with Autumn's first birthday, I also made cupcakes for an easier way to eat cake and also to provide a bit longer for the finished cake to remain intact at her party.
I was happy with how it all turned out.

Other things that have been going on this year: Party Planning!

I put together a baby shower for a friend of my cousin. Lucky for me I had help on the invitation side (because I was out of town home in Colorado), as well as the decoration/food providing side.
Another friend of my cousin co-threw the baby shower with me so we split the cost on the materials.
I was primarily in charge of the games - all of which were well enjoyed and a lot of fun to play!

So what am I doing next? Another Baby Shower!!
The couple that I made the wedding cake for are due to have a baby boy born in early February. I like this gal so much!
I asked her if she was planning to have a baby shower because this is going to be her first boy (she has 2 girls). Since the answer was "no" I immediately, and happily, offered to throw her one. She was happy to accept also!


On a more serious note - I should probably put a brief update on my depression.

I'm fairly open with most people I meet about having depression. I don't randomly throw it into conversations or anything, but if we're sharing something a long those lines I am pretty forthright about admitting I have this problem.
About 6 months after Tori was born I had my postpartum depression kick in really hard. I had originally braced myself for the effects of postpartum depression by making my assumptions that I would have to deal with it known to a lot of women in my church. I was completely surprised when it didn't hit when I expected it to, and so I thought I was home free. I thought wrong.
However, because I had also alerted my doctor to my suspicions that I may have it's ugly symptoms before going into labor she was very easy to talk to about it when it came up.

I can't praise my PCP enough about her listening quality! She doesn't pull the "I know better than you do because I'm a MD" persona that I am very un-fond of. She truly treats her patients (or me at least) like they are the experts on their own bodies. She listens to my thoughts/feelings/ideas about how to combat any medical thing I'm going through, and comes to a decision WITH me on how to treat and move forward.

With her help I've not only increased the dosage of the antidepressant that I take, but have added a supplemental medication to my regimen that has truly ironed out my swing from feeling suicidal to being manic/controlling and going head-first into anything like I can take on the world.

I truly feel like myself again. No dramatic low points, and no uncharacteristic high points either. I'm really happy with where I am at inside this head of mine.

So yeah... for now, that's been the highlights of my life.
I hope you enjoyed reading it all (if you did).
Feel free to comment if you'd like!

Until next time...

New year resolution re-cap

I went to a doctor's appointment on Monday for a variety of things (mainly depression related - follow up on medications, etc). At the end of the appointment my doctor informed me what my current BMI was. I honestly hadn't even thought about my BMI since writing my initial 2013 resolutions post in February.

I know I've been loosing weight, and I also know that I am a lot happier with how my jeans have been fitting lately. It wasn't until Monday night that I took a long hard look at myself in the mirror to determine how I currently feel about my body image.
Honestly, I'm quite happy with where I'm at, and where I'm still headed. I like my figure currently.

My current BMI is 25.5
Just .6 above the max for a normal weight category.
I currently weigh 168 lbs.
That's down 13 pounds in almost 6 months.
Not a drastic drop, no, but a healthy one.
I'm just 7 pounds shy of my goal for the year. I'm fairly confident that I'll be able to make it.
Here's hoping that I'm at or below 161 lbs by the end of the year.

As far as the other two goals ($1000 into savings and have a regular schedule)?

The monetary one has been completed and surpassed (a little bit at least), but the schedule still isn't there.

My fight with depression this year has been a tough one for me. I've adjusted the medication that I'm on with my doctor twice now, as well as added a medication into my regimen to augment the antidepressant.
I'm actually finally feeling like I'm leveling out.

I spent the last two weeks on vacation with my close friends, and family, and that seemed to lift my mood.
Aside from lifting my mood a bit, I noticed that while on vacation I didn't really stress about the things I normally do when I travel. I didn't fixate on having everything go the way I wanted it to (as often as I usually do), and in general I just went with the flow of things.

Fairly recently I decided to get involved with throwing a baby shower for a friend of my cousins, as well as heading up the committee for my upcoming 10-year high school reunion.

I'm actually looking forward to the future, not dreading it!
I'm not existing in a world of just day-to-day, I'm actually actively taking a part in planning things (something I wholeheartedly avoid when I am depressed).

I went and visited my three guy friends at two different cemeteries while home in Colorado. I spoke out loud to all of them at their different resting places. I had never truly done that before. It provided me some closure I hadn't truly experienced with any of them before. I spoke to them about our friends, and what I was doing in my life currently. I made specific promises to each of them that I will keep. It was a good day.

I can honestly say that right now I am happy.

I don't believe I've been able to use that word to describe myself for over 3 years now.

It's refreshing to be able to say it again.

Home again, home again, jigity-jig!

I told my husband that I really wanted to take a family vacation this year about a month or so ago.

I got a text message from my oldest sister that her 2nd kiddo is getting baptized on May 4th. (Good reason to go home, no?)

Autumn is getting to the point where she's growing out of her 18 month sized clothes and I need to update her wardrobe (we have about 8 items that are 24 month sized).

So...

I texted my oldest sister and asked if her youngest daughter had grown out of the 24 month and 2T sized clothes that she had.
She confirmed that she has and asked if I needed them for Autumn.
I heartily confirmed.

And now...

We're all taking a trip home to Colorado!
Wa-hoo!

We'll be driving on May 1st, and back again on either May 6th or 7th.
We're going to drive the entire way there in one trip, and depending on how that goes will decide if we want to do a 2-day trip coming back, or just drive it straight back as well.

We are all going to stay at my in-law's house, and we'll be going to Cassidy's baptism on the 4th... but beyond that we don't have anything planned!

Let me know if you want to see me/us!

Of course, the one person that I will be trying to set aside specific time for is Autumn's God Mother, Allison.

I'm super excited to be taking a trip home! :)

Family time in the non-winter months is always so much more fun for me!
(Now lets just hope it doesn't snow while we're there... unpredictable Colorado weather...)

An anonymous troll

I I have someone reading my blog and commenting anonymously.

I can track what they've been viewing (I have my ways) and when. And, of course, their comments are moderated by me before being published (I'll continue to delete the comments that are unfit to be read by my friends and family).

I'm just irked that someone would even waste their time commenting in a troll like manner.

C'est la vie I guess.

It's not even worth my time to hunt down the culprit. (Although I'm more than convinced that I could. Again, I have my ways.)

Don't even bother with the chaff when all that matters is the wheat.

You're forgiven. I hope the hole you have inside yourself that you feel needs to be filed with making others miserable can be sewn shut and healed.
I honestly feel sorry for you.
*hug*

Cleaning schedule

I follow a few blogs (of friends and a couple others that I have found through friends).

It always seems that when my mind has an idea of something to do self-improvement wise my friend Heather over at "Want What You Have" seems to blog about that very topic at the same time.

Recently I've been trying to set a routine house cleaning/organizing schedule to help keep my little duplex orderly and to make things MUCH EASIER when we do decide to move away.
Staying on top of things and having a clean house really lightens my mood and relieves a lot of my depression symptoms.

Because I still haven't figured out what kind of system is going to work for me, but have been inspired by Heather's schedule, I am going to share it with you.

http://wantingwhatyouhave.com/2013/04/my-index-car-file-cleaning-schedule-system.html

This woman shares so many great ideas! I am so lucky to have found her blog a couple of years ago!

Loosing weight

I lost 9 pounds this week!

Just that sentence alone makes me want to laugh.

I did though, truly loose 9 pounds. Unfortunately it was all contained within my GI tract.
I lost those 9 pounds out both ends at a rapid pace.

Yep. You read that correctly.

Over the past two days I've been trying to convince my stomach to not cringe or spasm at the idea of solid food while trying to maintain healthy blood sugar levels to help me fight off whatever has invaded my system.

What are your personal "go-to" foods for when your tummy isn't behaving?
I need as many ideas as I can get that are both milk and soy free.

2013 resolutions

I waited all of January (and most of February now) to post my resolutions this year because I wanted to have a test-run and make sure I was setting attainable goals for myself.

I had several ideas this year for things that I wanted to resolve to do, and have narrowed the list to 3 things.

So... I have a much higher probability of failure this year considering each resolutions accounts for approximately 33.33% percent of my goals.
I think I deliberately made less resolutions this year to help me truly focus and work at attaining these goals.
I wanted to ensure they were in my "TOMA." (Top Of Mind Awareness) Or, in other words, always on my mind.

Here they be:

1. Loose 20 pounds.
I've never set a goal to loose an actual number of pounds of weight before. This resolution somewhat scares me actually. I don't like to exercise in the traditional sense. And, in general, I have a very hard time motivating myself to have any sort of healthy habit.
However, my BMI is 27.5, putting me in the overweight category. Loosing 20 pounds would put me at a BMI of 24.5 (24.9 is the max BMI for the normal weight category).
I currently weigh 181 pounds.
I would ideally like to weigh 130 pounds (BMI of 19.8).
That's a 51 pound difference.
I didn't want to set 51 pounds as my goal because I've never lost weight before in the traditional sense. I've only ever lost weight after having a baby (for obvious reasons).
I figured 20 pounds was not only attainable, but it also gave me room to overachieve if I truly get the hang of this weight loss thing.
Cross your fingers for me! My 10 year high school reunion is May 2014 - this gives me more than a year to be a healthy weight by then.

2. Put at least $1000 into savings
$1000 truly isn't a lot. But over the past two years Jay and I have not made a single contribution toward our savings account. Quite the opposite in fact. We went from having more than $7000 to just a little over $300.
Unemployment, moving, and hospital bills take a lot out of you.
However, we are not "in debt" in the traditional sense.
The only loan(s) we have out is on our minivan (and some float money my daddy lent us to be able to cover some medical expenses that couldn't be covered through a payment plan).
We pay our credit card in full every statement.
We pay our bills on time.
But if Jay lost his job.... we'd last less than a month.
My focus this year is to truly cut our spending in half (I have a bad habit of shopping and spending money I don't need to when I'm feeling stressed) and start re-building our savings account.
If we ever truly plan on purchasing a home of our own - we need to have money for a down payment.
I want to have that down payment available in savings, and a separate savings account besides that. At least a 3 month emergency fund if the worst should happen and Jay did loose his job.
That's a lot of money we need to save.
Again, $1000 is not much, but it's attainable. Much like my weight loss goal, it leaves room to overachieve.

3. Create and keep a schedule
Obscure isn't it? But really when I think about it, the hardest transition for me when I became a stay at home mom was no longer having a schedule. I swear, the only days I feel like I accomplish anything is when I have a doctor's appointment to take myself or one of the kids to (you know, a schedule to keep).
Ironically enough, one of the blogs I follow just touched on this very topic earlier this month here: http://wantingwhatyouhave.com/2013/02/a-daily-schedule-for-stay-at-home-moms-revisited.html
I have a lot of respect for this blogger and am constantly uplifted by her way of practicing what she preaches. She's not an "idealist" blogger. She's a factual one.
I've had a very hard time feeling like a good mom to my girls because I don't have a personal schedule. I don't get up at the same time every day (or week for that matter) and I just kind of go with the flow.
Well, when you have young children that flow can be very disastrous to your mental, physical, and even spiritual health.
I realize that I need to change this pattern and take charge by setting a schedule for myself. I need to be proactive, not reactive.
I think this will have many positive outcomes for me in the future if I really dig deep and stick to it.
My biggest challenge will be setting one in motion and not succumbing to my natural tendencies of "doing nothing." The "nothing" monster is the biggest mental tormentor of mine. It seems like even when I do have a full blown day of cleaning, etc, he's there to remind me that I was lazy for the past however many days and what I did accomplish today doesn't make up for any of that. Basically he destroys my self esteem.
Time to put an end to him.

So that's it. My three resolutions for 2013. Wish me luck. I'll do a few follow-ups with these goals throughout the year as I did this past one.
I put them on my blog for the world to see, and for my readers to hold me accountable.
(Having others know my goals truly is one of the best ways for me to stay motivated to keep them)

The 2012 New Year Resolutions re-cap

Lets go over what my resolutions for the year 2012 were and see if I kept any of them...

1. Be caffeine free. No more caffeinated sodas. Zip. None. Nada.

Result: I broke down in March and had a caffeinated diet coke from a drive-in. And, I'm sad to say that I didn't go back to caffeine free exclusively for the rest of the year. :(

2. Pay off all the hospital bills from last year and money I owe my daddy.

Result: Done! :)
However, We borrowed some money from my daddy again toward the end of the year, so now I have to pay him back again... and we now have new hospital bills to pay from Tori's delivery and NICU stay..

3. Loose some weight. Even one pound.

Result: I gained a lot of weight being pregnant, but then lost a lot after having a baby. I'm at the same weight I was prior to getting pregnant with Tori, and I'm ok with that.

4. Find a house to rent or purchase.

Result: We started renting a duplex in May. It's a two bedroom single level place, but has an attached garage! We finally live in a house! Yay!

5. Make friends here in Boise.

Result: Made a friend by the name of Crystal Edwards this year. She is in my ward. She came over yesterday evening to hang out and play games with just me and the girls while I baked cookies. :)

6. Buy a second car.

Result: Bought a 2011 Kia Sedona mini van. I drive a MAV (Mormon Assault Vehicle) and I love it! :)

7. Re-create our nest egg.

Result: Didn't happen. We'll see how we do on saving this year...

8. Stay in better contact with my immediate family.

Result: Well... I think I did better this past year than the first 4 after I got married. I think the sibling I talk to the least often is still Ben. In order of whom I talk to the least to the most often would be: Ben, Dad, Stephanie, Melissa, Spencer, Mom. Yep. Mom wins as most stayed in touch with.

9. Take a trip or two.

Results: I drove myself and Autumn to Utah to get my taxes prepared there by my trusted CPA. I spent about 4 days there doing so.
Jay and I also went to my Grandpa's 94th birthday party in Heyburn. We spent a couple of days there at a local hotel.
Also, I traveled home with Autumn and my parents in July and flew back in early August.
Drove to Denver again with Autumn in September to see Spencer before he deployed.
And last but not least, flew home with the whole family for a 10-day Christmas holiday.
Good travel year.
Maybe this next year we'll try to get out to Florida and/or California.

10. Move my dogs to Idaho.

Result: We put down Tinkerbell this year. :( So now it's just Daisy living at home with my parents. The non-refundable pet deposit for where we live right now is just too expensive to have her move here yet. But I will move her here as soon as I'm able.

So... percentage wise I was 70% successful in keeping my resolutions in 2012.
I wasn't able to keep 3 of my 10 resolutions due to finances (nest egg & dogs) and lack of willpower (caffeine).

Time to set some realistic resolutions for 2013.