Sunday, December 19, 2010

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.

Oh there are so many things I dislike about myself... but what do I truly hate?

I hate having my disease. There, I said it.
Almost everyone I know knows that I have diabetes. However, whenever I get on the topic I automatically stand up on my soap box and tell whomever is around how this disease really isn't a big deal. I tell about how simple it is to manage, and how those that use it as an excuse are my biggest pet peeve.

Really though - I hate having this disease.

I hate how much energy I spend on "taking care of it" and "managing my blood sugars" etc.
I hate how much money this disease takes out of my pocket every day.
Put it this way: without medical insurance the test strips alone to test my blood sugar cost a little more than $1 each. I test my blood sugar 4-7 times a day. Yeah... that's just the start.
I also spend about $12 every 3 days on just the plastic supplies to deliver my insulin into my body. This is not including the cost of the wipes (alcohol, etc.) to sterilize my skin and everything else. This also does not include the price of the actual insulin itself.
Blah... I really do hate having this disease.

I also hate how having this disease dramatically increases the risk for several other medical problems. Scroll the list:

Kidney Failure
High Blood Pressure
Weight gain
Amputations (feet, hands, limbs, etc)
Various organ transplants
Really... the list is truly endless

I also hate how having this disease dramatically increases the risk of my children developing it.
I also hate the fact that I really have to keep medical insurance at all costs (because it's cheaper to have the insurance than to pay for everything associated with having it out of my own pocket).
I hate how much medical procedures cost just to up-keep good diabetic health.
I hate how my immune system is constantly compromised and how much longer it takes my body to heal from scrapes, bruises, cuts, and even minor illnesses like colds.

Really... count your blessings for not having my disease.
It is one thing I truly hate about myself, and there's not much chance of finding a cure for my type of diabetes (type 1) in the near future. Science just isn't moving fast enough - and finding a cure for it post onset is limited to finding a way to block your immune system for continuing to attack your healthy body functions (production of insulin) in the future (including if you had a pancreas transplant).

So yeah... that pretty much sums it up.


Laura Kay Feuerstein-Hart said...

I know you've never used your disease as an excuse and I admire that. You spread awareness and you work hard to make sure that it doesn't hinder you. I think that hating your disease is one thing, but I hope you love about yourself the conviction and hard work you put into living every day despite it.

Anonymous said...

That sounds like a lot of work! I'm sorry.